


For this Moment, You are Home

by fineinthemorning



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 07:38:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5531270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineinthemorning/pseuds/fineinthemorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haise has second thoughts over his relationship with Kishou, because once he regains his memories, it won't matter, will it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	For this Moment, You are Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Desertea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desertea/gifts).



> I'm sorry if this is not to your liking. T-T I had a little time only (like I was a last hour pinch hitter). I hope that at least you may not hate it.

  
Sasaki was laughing from something Arima had told him about Akira when he stopped suddenly and a blush heated his face like a fire. Arima had smiled when he laughed, and Haise was powerless in the presence of that smile. It was a smile that belonged only to him, and he knew it. Arima never smiled like that when he spoke to Akira or chatted with Special Class Ui or shared a drink with First Class Fura.

“You’ve got to stop destroying my resolve.”

“What?” his smile softened, but it remained still, and, coupled with with a light of curiosity, Sasaki felt his resolve diminish further.

Haise sighed. “Each time I visit you, I’ve already determined that I’m through. I’m done loving you.” His blush deepened. Did he sound like he was whining? He went on, but only after tearing his eyes away from Kishou’s own, “And then I’m together with you, in your presence, hearing you speak- recognizing your scent- my resolve dissipates . . .” and he caught Kishou’s warm gray eyes again, “-as though it were never there in the first place.”

Arima was in a particularly good mood today. “Perhaps it wasn’t?” It had everything to do with the fact that he’d finally had enough time to relax in Haise’ s company. 

Haise’s tone was serious and dropped suddenly in pitch, “That’s not funny, Kishou.”

Arima took a breath and released it. They’d been sitting on his couch in his apartment, and though Haise had felt too far away, the reaper hadn’t yet reached for him. Instead, he pulled him closed with his eyes. His voice was not stern, but it didn’t hold its prior mirth, either, “It’s okay for you to be happy.”

Sasaki said nothing. In the silence, he considered Arima’s words. He was a ghoul. He ate humans. He was an investigator. He killed ghouls. He made enemies of both species. Eating humans was unavoidable, because his existence as a ghoul was irrevocable. But, his career as a ghoul investigator? He could take that back, or at least, he could stop . . . if it came to that . . .

Arima studied Sasaki’s expressions as his thoughts played across his face. He asked, “Why do you have to convince yourself otherwise?” He expected an honest response.

Sasaki looked up suddenly and spoke without thinking, “Because this is not my home. You and I both know that. One day, I’m-”

Arima moved closer, “Why are you deciding that now?” He wouldn’t let Sasaki just walk away.

Kishou’s possessiveness was a double-edged sword. It kept him comforted and grounded, but it also kept him from acting on his own and making the mistakes he so desperately needed to in order to understand himself and his situation better, “One day, I’m going to remember everything. I want to say that I’d stay, but I know better. I-” he bit his lip.

Arima had closed the distance between them by moving to the center of the couch and then pulling Sasaki into an embrace, “I disagree.”

Sasaki pulled away so that he could see the reaper as he spoke to him, “What?”

Arima spoke with confidence in a very matter-of-fact tone, “You’re not the person you were before. When you regain your memories, you won’t be Haise, either. You cannot say who you’ll be then or what decision you’ll make.” His words were never painted pretty for Haise. He spoke honestly for the both of them.

Sasaki appreciated that. He considered the words carefully, and recognized the truth in them. No, he wasn’t the person he was before, but that didn’t mean he didn’t need to right the wrongs he’d committed in the past. Still, it was true that until he regained his memories, there was nothing he could do about it now. He had no secret key to his past. He’d have to cross that bridge when he came to it.

Sasaki leaned into Arima’s chest and inhaled his scent with a small smile,  “I ended up in your arms again.”

Kishou’s arms wrapped around his back protectively and he rested his head on top of Sasaki’s, “I like you here.”

“Kishou, when I regain my memories and I’m no longer Haise, will you still love me?” He tries asking it again as if to erase his first attempt as well as the glowing blush on his cheeks, “Would you still care for me?”

Arima pulled out of the embrace and took the half ghoul’s head in his hands to place a gentle kiss on his lips. Neither of them used the word love, but they never needed to. 

Sasaki trembled under his touch as Arima kissed him again. He needed to remember the past, but, when Arima kissed him, he felt like it would be fine living like this for the rest of his life. 

When the reaper let up, he placed one hand beneath Sasaki’s chin and lifted it gently so their eyes could meet, “You are you. If you believe in souls, it’s something like that; no matter your experience or name, you are still yourself.” Sasaki felt himself relax completely in death’s touch, “You changed my life, Haise.”

Haise moved to his knees so that he was a hair taller than the reaper, and this time, he took his own hands and placed them on either side of the reaper’s face, tilting his head up so he could kiss him slowly, hoping that Arima could feel the gratitude he was attempting to convey through the kiss, “That’s the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Kishou smiled, “To be fair, you only have memories of a little over two years.”

Haise blushed again at Arima’s playfulness, “Yeah, but-”

The reaper smiled again, “Haise, no matter what happens in the future or what has happened in the past, what you have already done for me is beyond measure. I will not forget that, even if the the person you recognize as yourself now disappears.”

Sasaki blinked, certain his expression was doing nothing to hide how very shocked and touched he was, “I can’t believe you just said that.” Matching Arima’s playfulness, he moved a hand beneath Arima’s white bangs, palm flat as if checking his temperature,  “Are you feeling well?”

The reaper frowned, “It saddens me.” 

Kaneki felt an arm wrap around his lower back, where his kakuhou was located, and Arima pull him closer.

“What does?” Sasaki moved his arms to rest on Kishou’s shoulders and his fingers sank into the reaper’s white hair.

Arima was serious again, “That every moment we’re apart, you spend it convincing yourself we should never reunite.”

“I’m sorry.” Sasaki looked truly apologetic.

“Prove it,” the reaper demanded with a smirk. He moved to his knees on the couch as well, making Sasaki feel suddenly smaller again.

“K-Kishou?”

The half ghoul felt himself lifted briefly before being laid out on the couch. The reaper was on top of him quickly, one leg between his and hands planted into the cushion on either side of his chest.

“Kishou! Ah-” Arima kissed him deeply, Sasaki meeting his possessive need with his own desperate desire.

When the kiss broke, Kishou gave a knowing smile, “Just accept you want me, Haise.”

He felt Arima bite possessively at his neck, “I-I do. You don’t have to- uh- ah-” He felt a hand in his hair give a tug to bare his neck further.

Arima unbuttoned the half ghoul’s shirt with his free hand as he rubbed his knee between his legs, “I want you, too, Haise.

“K-Kishou-” Sasaki closed his eyes

“I always will.”

They relaxed into each other, happy for the moment they could share now, because  _ now _ was all they had.


End file.
